“I have NEVER seen anything quite like this place!
Atrocious, disgusting, horrific, nasty, vomit inducing and VILE are just a few words to describe this crumbling hell hole.
On arrival the place doesn’t seem ‘too bad’ as the outside is painted well and an exterior walls has a series of quaint towers around it, giving it an almost fortress-like appeal, however that is where the niceties end and the nasties begin!
As we approached the entrance a rather stern and abrupt eccentric character passed us smoking a cigar. We assumed he must be the manager and/or owner. We pressed the bell in the front door and nobody answered. We waited a few moments and tried again, as before there was no answer. So we pressed the bell a final time, which is when we were spotted by the eccentric character that passed us a few moments earlier. I could not believe what was said next, I quote…
“What the hell are you doing out here? Guards, grab these two!” – a rather abrupt start to say the least…
A pair of guards grabbed us, and took us through a seemingly never-ending maze of corridors, which were regularly punctuated with steel-barred gates. As we entered I was knocked off balance by the strong putrid smell of ammonia (found in urine). I coughed aloud and wretched as I walked through the building. The owner made no comment and what I was doing was obviously the norm from his guests.
The décor was seriously outdated and at a guess I would say pre-war in date. The doors, floors, fixtures and fittings were also broken, chipped and/or in serious, serious need of updating!
Once inside our box…sorry room we were wide eye’d in amazement and not for good reasons. The twin beds looked three quarter length rather than full length and were dressed with frayed bedding. The windows had BARS on them, as did the doors!! The sheets were definitely not clean as a couple of suspicious hair were present in one of the beds and small stains were on the other.
The bathroom mirror and sink unit were cracked and chipped and the toilet has a disgusting stain at the bottom.
The view from the window also looked like a gypsy camp…our view consisted of what could only be described as a muddy yard, in which various people were arguing and fighting!
Eventually we decided we would find somewhere else to stay, only to be informed that we would have to remain there for the next ten years! I explained that I would get less for murder, at which point he agreed that this was the case, and that I had in fact committed a double murder, and that accounted for the time differential. I explained to him his attitude was appalling and customer service was reminiscent of that of a dictator!
Whilst inside I managed to get a look at the kitchen where he was standing. OH MY GOD! The kitchen was LITERALLY horrendous. There were filthy dirty dishes every where and the smell was awful. There was uncovered food left on the side. The same greasy and oily appearance that was in the rest of the house was in the kitchen too. VILE…I can only imagine the dangers of eating something prepared in there.
Eventually, after four unpleasant years, we decided to tunnel our way out, using only some spoons and a poster of Raquel Welch. Once free (In the rain we might add!) Doris and myself headed straight to the nearest police station to complain about our disastrous visit. I have also contacted environmental health and trading standards and when I explained this to the owner he was not bothered in the slightest and told me to go away, using more fruitier language lets say.”
ficadvisor 